As we live in unusual Covid 19 pandemic times, there have been unimaginable changes in our everyday lifestyles. And as human nature goes, we are more likely than not to resist change. A common reaction to having to change is anger. Add in excessively warm temperatures outside, some social injustice issues, and some riots. No wonder people are frustrated and angry! But how does anger serve any of that?
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Anger as: a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism. Like all emotions, we do not wake each day and decide, “Hmm, I think I will be angry today.” If it were that simple, I assume we would all wake and declare ourselves happy each day. But life throws us curve balls and we encounter unexpected circumstances, current times more than ever.
While we cannot control the circumstances that are presented before us or the emotional reaction those situations impose upon us, we can control how we respond. Simply, we cannot stop ourselves from feeling anger, but we can control how we respond to anger. To answer the question above, anger does not serve us or others. How we respond to anger will determine if we reduce or exemplify anger.
If we respond to another in anger, the other ;’person is likely to respond back in anger. If, even when we are angry, we respond with a calm voice, we are likely to change how the other person reacts. Now you might be thinking, “It just isn’t that easy to do when I’m angry.” I agree, it is not easy. But we do have control of this and so it can be done with practice and patience. Anger begets anger folks. It does not help us or others. We need to change the pattern.
- The first step in changing the cycle of anger is to recognize that you are angry.
- Take a deep breath.
- Consider whether you want to give voice to the anger or to solving the problem, situation or whatever brought about the anger.
- Take another deep breath.
- What part have your played in escalating your anger? (Yep we need to own it!)
- Take another deep breath.
- Move forward with a calm and inner peace knowing that you are in control and not the anger!
If this does not work, don’t give up. You need to give yourself permission to act differently and it will take time. There are many ways to address anger management. Seek professional help if needed.
May your path allow you to see anger within and choose to respond differently!