ONE STEP AT A TIME
About a week ago I did something I said I would never do….I am sure I surprised some of my closest friends when they saw pictures of me in Las Vegas. I’m sure my reasons for not wanting to go there would never cross the minds of anyone but those who know me and my family from my childhood. When I was just about 12 years old, my grandmother was killed by a drunk driver while on vacation in Las Vegas. She and my grandfather had saved up a long time to go on this vacation; going a vacation was something they never did.
Over the years many friends have suggested going on trips to Vegas. I could never do that. All I could think of was my amazing grandmother crossing the street and being killed. Funny that my anxiety was stemmed from the streets of Vegas and not the drunk driver, but that has been a constant heartache ever since. Even hearing or reading the word “Vegas” made me anxious. For a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, one would think I would not be so unsettled, but the fact is I am not immune.
The last couple of years I have flown into the airport in Vegas on my way to Arizona. Driving on the outskirts of Vegas was all I was willing to do. Over a week ago, I again made that trip. This time though we spent the night in Vegas so we could spend some time with our daughter who was there working for a few days. I told my husband I would try to enjoy the day. Of course the thoughts of spending time with my daughter was a very big bonus but thoughts of my grandmother weighed heavily on my mind.
Decades ago when my grandma was on vacation there, there were no overhead walkways. Now there were. That seemed to ease much of my discomfort. Still anxious though, I did try to enjoy the interesting experience that Las Vegas is known for. After a few hours we were confronted with crossing a street. Anxiety stepped in with full force…clammy hands, sweat breaking out, singly focused on taking one step at a time. I must have visibly shown my apprehension as my husband grabbed my hand tightly and guided my across that street. I was surrounded by a few dozen people who crossed that street without a worry.
I faced my fear and anxiety. Not without a physical and emotional reaction, but face it I did. Memories of my grandmother were heavy on my mind. Not just the loss of having her in my life today but also of the loving times we had while she was alive. The lesson here is that even therapists and counselors are not exempt from our fears and worries and anxiety. Like everyone we have to face the struggles of life. But facing those encounters make us stronger.
May your path be filled with steps that lead you to facing the fears that threaten your quality of life! (P.S. seek help from a counselor when needed and it will make the journey easier to bear!)